Zit on my balls

Holy fuck. Last night, I'm in my man cave, going through all my vintage CD collection (remember those things, anyone?), when I feel something brush up against the inside of my leg. I'm not paying attention to it at first, but then I feel it again. Reaching down between my legs, to my nuts, I feel a HUGE ZIT on my fucking nut sack. The fuck. I shower everyday, use plenty of soap and shampoo, and even use that cheap-ass AAFES imitation Gold Bond powder on my junk to keep it dry. Nothing worse than sweaty balls.

It was hella nasty too, but not at a head. Instead, when I squeezed the thing, all sorts of chunky zit goo came right out. It was all bright white and thick, like a freshly-formed zit. I had to give that fucker a good two or three squeezes to get it all out. I even managed to squeeze out the core, which had a white stem on it. In the history of zits that I've had, this is by far the most unusual, next to the time I had a zit on my taint in 2001. I squeezed that bastard out, but the core fell out of my hand and got lost before I could look at it.

Ha ha ha ha ha - I'll bet you fuckers are grossed out, and throwing up now that you've read this. Good.

Heh.

2014

So here it is 2014....we survived another year of chaos and stupidity in the world as we know it. Things can only continue to become worse, as people continue to become more infantile in their behavior. People suck, and whatever tragedies befall them are funny to laugh at.

I'm done screwing older women. My last girlfriend was in her mid-40's and was fucking falling apart left and right. Her ass looked like a pumpkin, so I called her "pumpkin butt" behind her face. She had those nasty pursed lips that makes her look like she has a Yoda mouth at times too. But the nastiest, fucking thing ever was those varicose veins in her legs. Goddammit, she's 46, NOT 86 years old. Talk about boner-crusher if there ever was one. Fucking gross. Once I saw how fucking nasty she was becoming, plus how wrinkled her ass was, I was like "No way, Jose" and cut off the dick supply. Fuck that.

You know, it's no wonder why dudes in their 40's and 50's wanna fuck girls in their 20's. Their bodies are firm, unspoiled, and beautiful. Plus, they're not the raging cunts that they become by the time they do hit their 30's and 40's. I'd rather watch college-age porn all day, or bang a college-aged 20 year old than some angry beast with stretch marks, shot veins, and is total damaged goods. Even the cougars who are banging 18 and 19 year old boys look hella nasty, once the make-up comes off, and it's the morning.

So from now on, the Machine only bangs chicks who are aged 18 - 35, tops. It's a good rule of thumb to stick by, since if I do end up getting the broad knocked up, I'll at least have some awesome eye candy for a bit.

Heh.