2017, the year that wasn't
Well, what can I say?
2017 was a total drag. Nothing happened which I was hoping would happen, and on top of that, my best fucking friend died on 30 August, the date I arrived Germany. Rumor has it that he committed suicide, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was indeed the case. Randy had become increasingly distant these past 5 years, despite the outpouring of affection from friends and family. I can only wonder if it was his ex-wife which drove him to do this, or a myriad of other problems he never shared with us. I can only speculate.
I was privy as to catch a glimpse into Randy's life for a brief moment in 2011; he was living by himself in Ramstein village, since he had sent his wife and family back to the States a year earlier in the summer of 2010. The plan was, he was going to early retire from the Air Force, and a quick shuffle of the paperwork was all that it took...only...AFPC denied his curtailment, and Randy was stuck in Germany, obligated to fulfill the remaining time left on his enlistment.
I, too, had tried to apply for an early retirement during the same timeframe, only AFPC lost my paperwork 3 times, and by the time it was located, there was not enough time for them to find a replacement for my position at Geilenkirchen. I was crushed, to say the least, however I still drove down to Ramstein on the weekends to get the hell away from the assholes at the 470th.
Randy was a hot mess, to say the least. He was used to having his wife and kids around to keep him company, however without his core support, he was lost, and I could tell. It was roughly March or April 2011 that we began hanging out at his apartment in Ramstein-Miesenbach, drinking beers, watching movies, and having an awesome time. He referred to me as his "priest", as he could tell me anything that was bothering him, and I would keep it confidential. On top of that, I never judged him, nor thought any less of him...if anything, my respect for him grew even more. Randy showed me that he was just a frail as the next person, despite his laid-back attitude and carefree approach to life.
But April 2011 seems to have stuck out the most in my mind. I was going through my own private drama, especially with Melanie earlier that year, and the company he provided me helped smooth over that transition. I don't know why I remember this as I type it, but Randy was really smitten with Adele's "21" album at the time, since she bore a physical resemblance to his daughter Elysa. Randy had an eclectic taste in music, however he gravitated towards the Southern Rock and blues sound primarily. Something about that moment in time will always stand out in my mind, frozen in memory.
When Randy and I parted ways in July 2011, we did so with the promise that one day Randy would return to Germany for a visit. He gave me some trinkets and knick-knacks which he didn't want to pack or couldn't use back in the US, and one specific thing he gave me was 2 glass tumblers full of coins; quarters and nickels. I wasn't going to spend them, and still have them to this day. I was thinking that upon his return to Germany, I would give them back to him, as I was safeguarding them while he was absent. He never did. I would prompt Randy every so often to come back for a visit, asking when he would make the trip. He would always say that he couldn't, due to home issues, despite his desire to make the journey. About 3 weeks before he died, I had once again extended the invitation to come out to visit, when I was chatting with him on Facebook Messenger, however he declined. I could tell he liked the idea, and even said that visiting just might be the cheer that he needed.
I can only wonder what drove Randy to end his life, proving the rumors of suicide are true. Part of me thinks it was his ex-wife (as mentioned earlier in this post), however I won't disrespect her by holding her to blame, unless it is somehow confirmed. All I can say is that I truly feel alone, no longer having my best friend to talk to, even if it's just a few sentences every so often. Randy broke that promise to me of returning one day, and I feel now that I am directionless and lost. I don't make friends that easy to begin with, and trying to make new friends in the KMC feels to be more trouble than it's worth. I have become increasingly guarded over time, and the likelihood of finding someone with the depth of character as well as the connection just isn't there for me. I increasingly become a hermit the older I become, and actually welcome it.
I have no hopes for 2018. I suppose if I can spend more time off from work, playing video games and relaxing the way I like, then it will be all right.
Heh.
2017 was a total drag. Nothing happened which I was hoping would happen, and on top of that, my best fucking friend died on 30 August, the date I arrived Germany. Rumor has it that he committed suicide, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was indeed the case. Randy had become increasingly distant these past 5 years, despite the outpouring of affection from friends and family. I can only wonder if it was his ex-wife which drove him to do this, or a myriad of other problems he never shared with us. I can only speculate.
I was privy as to catch a glimpse into Randy's life for a brief moment in 2011; he was living by himself in Ramstein village, since he had sent his wife and family back to the States a year earlier in the summer of 2010. The plan was, he was going to early retire from the Air Force, and a quick shuffle of the paperwork was all that it took...only...AFPC denied his curtailment, and Randy was stuck in Germany, obligated to fulfill the remaining time left on his enlistment.
I, too, had tried to apply for an early retirement during the same timeframe, only AFPC lost my paperwork 3 times, and by the time it was located, there was not enough time for them to find a replacement for my position at Geilenkirchen. I was crushed, to say the least, however I still drove down to Ramstein on the weekends to get the hell away from the assholes at the 470th.
Randy was a hot mess, to say the least. He was used to having his wife and kids around to keep him company, however without his core support, he was lost, and I could tell. It was roughly March or April 2011 that we began hanging out at his apartment in Ramstein-Miesenbach, drinking beers, watching movies, and having an awesome time. He referred to me as his "priest", as he could tell me anything that was bothering him, and I would keep it confidential. On top of that, I never judged him, nor thought any less of him...if anything, my respect for him grew even more. Randy showed me that he was just a frail as the next person, despite his laid-back attitude and carefree approach to life.
But April 2011 seems to have stuck out the most in my mind. I was going through my own private drama, especially with Melanie earlier that year, and the company he provided me helped smooth over that transition. I don't know why I remember this as I type it, but Randy was really smitten with Adele's "21" album at the time, since she bore a physical resemblance to his daughter Elysa. Randy had an eclectic taste in music, however he gravitated towards the Southern Rock and blues sound primarily. Something about that moment in time will always stand out in my mind, frozen in memory.
When Randy and I parted ways in July 2011, we did so with the promise that one day Randy would return to Germany for a visit. He gave me some trinkets and knick-knacks which he didn't want to pack or couldn't use back in the US, and one specific thing he gave me was 2 glass tumblers full of coins; quarters and nickels. I wasn't going to spend them, and still have them to this day. I was thinking that upon his return to Germany, I would give them back to him, as I was safeguarding them while he was absent. He never did. I would prompt Randy every so often to come back for a visit, asking when he would make the trip. He would always say that he couldn't, due to home issues, despite his desire to make the journey. About 3 weeks before he died, I had once again extended the invitation to come out to visit, when I was chatting with him on Facebook Messenger, however he declined. I could tell he liked the idea, and even said that visiting just might be the cheer that he needed.
I can only wonder what drove Randy to end his life, proving the rumors of suicide are true. Part of me thinks it was his ex-wife (as mentioned earlier in this post), however I won't disrespect her by holding her to blame, unless it is somehow confirmed. All I can say is that I truly feel alone, no longer having my best friend to talk to, even if it's just a few sentences every so often. Randy broke that promise to me of returning one day, and I feel now that I am directionless and lost. I don't make friends that easy to begin with, and trying to make new friends in the KMC feels to be more trouble than it's worth. I have become increasingly guarded over time, and the likelihood of finding someone with the depth of character as well as the connection just isn't there for me. I increasingly become a hermit the older I become, and actually welcome it.
I have no hopes for 2018. I suppose if I can spend more time off from work, playing video games and relaxing the way I like, then it will be all right.
Heh.
posted by Machine at 6:31 AM
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